Dear Tiny Lump,
We are now in the waiting, and to be honest, I’m actually managing to put you out of my mind. Or at least, that’s what I tell myself…
Since the last time I let myself worry about you, life has kept me busy. There’s been so much else taking up space in my mind that, apart from still feeling you and occasionally being bothered by you physically, the actual fear has faded into the background.
Lately, I’ve been convinced that I might be an HSP – Highly Sensitive Person. I’ve been reading about it, watching YouTube videos, and finding myself in every description. It makes so much sense. Maybe this constant exhaustion I feel isn’t just from work, stress, or poor sleep. Maybe it’s from being overstimulated 24/7, constantly absorbing the world too deeply. So I’m on a mission to understand this part of myself – to learn how to make peace with it and, hopefully, figure out how to structure my life in a way that helps me cope better.
I finally worked up the courage to return to tennis, Tiny Lump. After my serious mental breakdown last month – thanks to my workaholic tendencies and the never-ending cycle of stress – I knew I needed to find something outside of work (and cleaning my house) that actually brings me joy.
It’s been almost 15 years since I last stepped onto a tennis court, but I still remember how much I used to love playing. Today was my third lesson out of 17 in the summer camp I joined. My group consists of three other players and our coach, and they are all wonderful. For a full 60 minutes, I get to shut out the world, focus on nothing but the game, and just be.
And you, Tiny Lump? You’ve been surprisingly cooperative. Running, serving, and sprinting across the court don’t seem to bother you at all. I guess you’re a tennis fan too?
Speaking of tennis, my mom will be visiting me at the end of next month, Tiny Lump. We’re heading to Paris to watch a couple of matches at Roland Garros. It’s going to be an unforgettable experience! But here’s the thing – you’re not invited. As much as you seem to like tennis, I’m sorry to say that tickets to the French Open are just too expensive for you to join. So, it’s time to wrap this up, Tiny Lump. You need to be gone by then…
Congratulations, Tiny Lump! You’ve officially traveled to your second foreign country – Denmark.
I’m spending three days in Copenhagen with two of my best friends on a spontaneous girls’ trip, and it already feels like exactly what I needed. Of course, being the workaholic that I am, I couldn’t resist bringing my laptop – even though I’m on leave. The auditors have been keeping me so busy that actually switching off feels impossible. My pattern is always the same: work, work, work; stress, stress, stress; tired, tired, tired.
At some point during our trip, I casually mentioned you to one of my friends. She told me she’s had lumps in the past too – little swollen glands that eventually disappeared on their own. She’s even younger than I am, which made me feel reassured. Maybe that’s all you are, Tiny Lump. Just a temporary guest, passing through.
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